What lies beyond the peaceful smile

In the quite of this room
My head goes boom boom
There is little sound
Yet peace can not be found.
The light flickers in the dark
Bounces around the room to it's mark.
Where is the rest I seek?
Why must I be so weak?
Explosions in my mind
Hold me back, bind.
No one sees this side
For no one will abide
When eyes turn red
And painful words are said
The truth? It matters not
Just remains that I fought
Yes silence should bring joy
And yet it can only annoy!
I should give up
Pass this bitter cup
But yet I can not
For fear I'd be caught.
Not wearing my bright smile
If even for a little while.
But psstt, you should know
I hold back what should be let go
I swallow the hurt whole
Smiling as I finish the bowl
Of suffering dished out
And never even show a pout
For if I did
The world would be hid
They are much to busy for that
Instead I remain a doormat
Peaceful quiet should calm
Heal the wounds with it's balm
And yet I knash my teeth
Bury the despair deep beneath
For as the saying goes...
"Laugh and the world laughes with you...
Cry and you cry alone"
The one everyone knows
Yet no one follows.
But for me,
I can see
Grief hidden beneath the pain
Doesnt heal-it only stains
Cursed peaceful night
I'll hold it together with all my might
To make it once more
And hope happiness lays in store.